My ego is far too big sometimes.

Today is the last day of July.
Apparantly I get the 3 'M's in August. I have very low expectations of this happening. I think I was being told what I want to hear again. I can't see any of it happening. Well one M is a definate that's not even until September, and I don't even want that to happen. EUGHHHH.
 I hate having time to stop and think about things because I read too much into everything and it always leaves me feeling so shit.
It's always after something exciting or good has happened to me, I then stop and think, 'Oh things aren't even that great, you have such and such to worry about'. Then I completely forget about all the good things, and turn those good things into paranoid bad things. It really messes with my mind.
I'm waiting for my big break.
I guess I have to stop being such a dreamer, I tell myself all the time to be more realistic, maybe I'd get more from life.
Nothing ever lives up to my expectations for long enough.
Cunt.
xxx