I guess I'm not that good enough anymore.

At the start of every year, I plan in my head how things are going to change in my life. 

It's ashame I'm still so naive to believe things will.

So. I'm back in England, after relieveing myself of my other half. I still, think I may have made a mistake. No matter how much you try to, you just can't go from one day, being in love, to the next, forgetting about them.

When I'm alone here, I feel it the worst, and I know I should just get on with things and be happy that I have people around me that care, but I'm a needy person, as much as I hate to admit it. 

So yeah, I like my time alone, but being in this place, with no real friends around me and not seeing anyone but these four walls, it get's pretty fucking depressing. It also gives you time to reflect.

I'm not going to be like one of these people who say 'Ooh I'm in a crowded room and I'm still lonely', or 'I'm screaming out loud but nobody can hear me'. Fuck that, I'm not a little girl anymore. This is far scarier than any of my little teenage angst rants.

I feel I am going nowhere at the moment. I guess I'm worried because I just don't know what is going to happen. I feel lonely and unlovable.

Writing this has actually helped put things in a little perspective. Fuck being upset anymore. Life is what you make it.

Like they say, the only from here is up.

xxx