You make me lie, and I don't want to.

So, I'm with that sexy army bloke. Have been for a month now.
I have joined a gym.
I've been to see Lee Evans live, and he blew me a kiss :)
I've decided I want to move to Brighton/Eastbourne/Hastings area.
Apparantly Luke cheated on me the other week. But I've chosen to believe Luke over the others. I hope i've made the right decision.
Fuck it.
He seems genuine enough and I actually really like him.

So I'm having doubts now about joining the Navy. I've got one last test and a trip in January for the training of the training....
It's gunna be hardcore.

I may just say it's not for me. I really dont have a clue what I want to do.
I know for a fact I wanna move out of here. But that means leaving Luke behind as he wouldn't move. It means working in Care still, and I haven't worked this hard to stay in Care all my life. All I want is a bloke to hold me tight and tell me he's missed me and loves me.

Argh!

Lief happens. Fact.

But what the fuck do I do?!?!

Do I join the Navy for a chance I may be happy living for my career?
Do I stay in Bude and never do anything with my life except have a long distance relationship with Luke.?(As good as the relationship could be)
Do I move and take the chance of fucking everything up and leaving all the ones I love behind?

Why can't I just have one of those simulators and find out the results of each choice, then make the decision from that.

It's crazy.

I need to hold someone :( I really need some affection. Why is Luke in the Army?
:(
Arrr! Starting to get frustrating not being able to see him often, I thought it would be fine to see someone once a fortnight. But it's beginning to not be enough. Damn my stupid feelings.

Well I've skipped the gym now a lot of evenings. I shall probably skip it tonight aswell. Fuck sake, I am so annoyingly lazy. I hate myself sometimes and this is one of those times.

I need to sort it out, big time.